Suzanne Teune advised her story to producer Sarah Fuss Kessler for an episode of The Each day Rally podcast. It has been edited for size and readability.
It’s like there’s this perception in our society that it’s not abuse until it’s bodily violence.
I keep in mind going over to a good friend’s home who had a extremely supportive household and a wholesome household dynamic, and simply being so shocked at what I used to be seeing. And I keep in mind her dad giving her mother a extremely lovely praise and simply the kindness in that.
Proper now I’m in my artwork studio, which is about an hour exterior of Asheville, North Carolina. So that you would possibly hear some wind and rain, birds singing. There’s vehicles going by.
I simply completed graduate faculty in artwork remedy and scientific counseling, and I’ve labored in psychological well being for over a decade. I feel I’ve all the time actually been a painter and a drawer. Then I began utilizing textiles. My mother used to stitch loads, so I discovered from her.
Proper now I’m utilizing black walnut ink for probably the most half, as a result of I’ve been foraging from the panorama. And since I dwell right here within the Blue Ridge Mountains, there’s a number of black walnuts round.
I grew up within the Chicago suburbs. My dad was verbally and emotionally and psychologically abusive, so there was simply a number of concern in every single place. There was undoubtedly a number of yelling and screaming. If it was simply that, then I don’t suppose that’s essentially abuse. I feel that abuse is making the most of an influence imbalance to manage another person.
My mother felt very trapped in her marriage. I keep in mind sitting within the van together with her in our driveway late at evening. I used to be about 5. She advised me that she would in all probability break up if it wasn’t for us youngsters. That was my earliest reminiscence of that dialog beginning, after which it simply was ongoing for the subsequent 30 years. I really feel like that was 90 p.c of the issues that my mother and I talked about.
So many individuals would say issues to me like, “Oh, you need to be grateful on your dad and mom,” or, “Oh, nicely, your dad exhibits you his love by supporting you financially.” I heard that loads. Really, I don’t suppose it’s a useful response.
I’m estranged from my total household now.
Rising up within the Chicago suburbs, there was not a number of nature round, not a number of entry to nature. However on the finish of the block there was this little nook of grass referred to as Dorset Park. So you’d stroll down this path, after which I assume it was a creek. It was one thing that was type of creek-like, if you realize the Chicago suburbs in any respect. However there have been cattails rising up round it, and lengthy prairie grass.
Once I was younger and I didn’t have a automotive, I used to be capable of go there and I might crawl into that little nook. I might faux that there weren’t homes round, and that there wasn’t mowed grass behind me, and really feel like I used to be on this little prairie house.
It actually did change into this magical place for me the place I used to be capable of go and really feel held by nature. Though it was actually small, it grew to become one thing actually particular. I might dance round in circles, and I might make up poetry once I was there, and pray loads. It did really feel very therapeutic. Simply this little place that I might go to get away from my dysfunctional home atmosphere.
I ended up going to Wheaton School in my hometown. They’ve an outside wilderness management campus. They take individuals on backpacking journeys within the Higher Peninsula of Michigan. So I did that as an incoming freshman.
There was a frontrunner named Andy and a frontrunner named Eric, and I seemed as much as them a lot. And I feel it was being round these actually steady, wholesome those who I knew I might belief, and I feel that’s undoubtedly associated to them spending numerous time within the wilderness. From there, my love of the outside grew.
At this level in my life, it’s tremendous necessary to me to make it possible for I get out in nature. It’s tremendous necessary for my sanity, I can inform that I would like that, and I crave it.
I simply spent the final three years in New Mexico. There’s a city referred to as White Rock, the place there’s a path that goes down into the canyon by the Rio Grande. And each time I felt wired, I might simply go there and sit within the canyon. There was this lovely spring-fed pool, an idyllic pool, there that I might simply hand around in.
Each time I went there, one thing magical occurred. There was a flock of sandhill cranes that got here by. They’re so excessive up within the sky, they usually do that round movement, they usually make this honking noise. So lovely.
One time once I had been actually wired, there was a lightning storm. And I used to be simply watching this lovely lightning on the opposite aspect of the canyon.
I went there on a regular basis and simply felt actually held.
For me, I feel it’s been a journey of realizing that the panorama is aware and alive and we are able to talk together with her, with Mom Earth. And that’s undoubtedly been a part of my therapeutic journey, as a result of I’ve felt alone loads in my life. I didn’t have anybody in my household I felt actually protected with. However then as I began to appreciate that the panorama is alive, and I can go and discuss to her and really feel held and really feel liked by her, then it’s actually exhausting to really feel alone on the planet.
Suzanne Teune is a combined media artist who creates portraits on material utilizing pure dyes and inks. She is obsessed with therapeutic, and has labored within the psychological well being subject for over a decade as a wilderness remedy subject information, a restoration coach for CooperRiis Therapeutic Neighborhood, and an artwork therapist. You possibly can view her artwork and discover out extra about her right here.
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